


Beautiful

by CJ_Quill



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Body Image, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jared is insecure, Kissing, M/M, Skin-picking, boys love and support each other, they both are really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-13 22:55:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11770140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CJ_Quill/pseuds/CJ_Quill
Summary: He wanted to put his shirt back on and pretend he’d never taken it off. His eyes met Evan’s for a moment. His hands returned to covering his shoulders. Fingernails pressed into the skin. He fought the urge to rake them across, scratch a nice red line over the skin, catch a scab and pull it back open so it would bleed again.





	Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> I am working on the next chapter of SWCR, but in the meantime here's a self-indulgent drabble I wrote a couple days ago based on a headcanon I have that's equally self-indulgent.  
> I'm pretty happy with it, though, so I hope it's enjoyable!

“I don’t, uh, I don’t think any of my shirts would fit you,” Evan said from the closet, thumbing through his extra pajama tops.

They usually spent nights at Jared’s place, where there was an ample supply of extra shirts that would fit either of them comfortably, but this time they were caught off guard and Evan’s shirts were of significantly smaller size than Jared’s.

“That’s fine. I can just sleep shirtless, I usually do it at home.”

Jared pulled off his overshirt and dropped it on the floor. He caught the pair of sweatpants Evan tossed his way and exchanged his jeans for them. The waistband was a little tight and the bottoms hung too long over his feet, but otherwise they were comfortable. He pulled his t-shirt over his head and froze once it was off, holding it to his chest. Something he’d forgotten popped back into his head and he felt his stomach drop.

_ Scars. _

Jared brought a hand to his shoulder, rash-red from irritation, scarred and scabbed from incessant skin-picking and otherwise acne-ridden.  _ Shit. _ He yanked his hand back when he noticed himself started to scratch. He glanced at his shirt, which was dotted with tiny bloodstains over the sleeves from this very problem. He busied himself with folding it up unnecessarily neatly. He sunk slowly to the floor beside his discarded pants.

At the other end of the room Evan slipped his own shirt off and shot a glance at Jared as he reached for his pajama top. He noticed how the other boy crouched, sort of folded into himself, like he was trying to hide something. He edged slowly over and knelt beside Jared.

“Are you okay?” He asked gently. 

“I’m fine!” Jared shot back to his feet, tossing his t-shirt to the floor.

Regret rushed through him immediately. He wanted to put his shirt back on and pretend he’d never taken it off. His eyes met Evan’s for a moment. His hands returned to covering his shoulders. Fingernails pressed into the skin. He fought the urge to rake them across, scratch a nice red line over the skin, catch a scab and pull it back open so it would bleed again. 

“You don’t… You don’t look bad, Jared,” Evan said, stepping a bit closer. His arms were crossed over his own bare chest.

Insecure, just the same. 

For what reason, Jared couldn’t see. Evan looked good. He was thin but stocky in the shoulders, and his upper arms were surprisingly muscled. He had freckles everywhere, not just his face. His skin was dry and flaky in places, but clearly  _ he _ didn’t make a habit of picking at it. 

Jared caught himself staring and dug his nails deeper into his shoulders, feeling one or two break the skin slightly. Evan took his arms and pulled them away, folding Jared’s hands in his own. He leaned forward to study Jared’s shoulders. Jared stared at the floor. He wished over and over that he still had his layers on. This vulnerability wasn’t something he was used to. 

Evan pulled one of his hands from Jared’s and tilted his chin up gently so they were eye-to-eye. He returned his hand to its place. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead to Jared’s. Not saying a word, just staring into Jared’s eyes. His eyes were soft and dull, wide with a sort of nervous understanding. Jared felt his own fall half-lidded. 

“I know how it feels,” Evan said gently. “You're not… you're not any less beautiful to me.”

Jared cracked a small smile. 

“Love you, too.” He said, and pressed a soft kiss to Evan’s lips. “Night, dork.”

Evan blushed. He remained still when Jared moved away, his hands sustained in the air. Suddenly his bedroom light was off and when he turned around, Jared was in his bed, under the covers, his glasses sitting on Evan’s nightstand. Evan edged towards his bed slowly. He grabbed his pajama top and pulled it over his head. He cleared his throat to let Jared know he was there and slipped under the covers beside him.

Once he was situated, Jared scooted into Evan’s arms, further down in the bed so his head was tucked under Evan’s chin, pressed against his chest. He wrapped his arms around the taller boy’s middle. 

“Thanks for saying that.” He mumbled.

“Hey, yeah, N-no problem.” Evan said. “A-and I did mean it. It wasn't just a… a lie to make you feel better, or anything - because I hate those - I really do… I really do think you’re-” 

“You are, too, Ev.”

Jared pulled himself up to kiss Evan again. Evan kissed back and pressed his hands to Jared’s chest, hooking his leg over the other boy’s hip. They kept on kissing, deeper and harder and messier until they both ran out of breath and we're forced to pull away. Jared linked his eyes to Evan’s despite the dark and took in his flushed cheeks, reddened lips, and mussed-up, uncombed hair.

“God, you really are.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! Hit up those comments if you enjoyed! <3


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